My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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