why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
