Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
