Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
