Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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