I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
