I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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