I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
