Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
