Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
