my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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