She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
