I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
