He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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