Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
