ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
