the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
