one two three fourrrrnication!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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