I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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