Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
