it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize