dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
