I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
