We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
