she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
