Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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