i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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