before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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