it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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