i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
