Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize