my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
