Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize