If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
