96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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