She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
