He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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