i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
