What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
