She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
