The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
