get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
