tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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