Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize