No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
