Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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