i may or may not be watching the land before time
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just puked most of my soul out..
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