Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
