Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
