oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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