I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
