I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
