I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
