My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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