Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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