I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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