just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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