Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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