I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
