Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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