My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
