Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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