I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
