i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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