i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Randomize
