Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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