Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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