I should be sponsored by Trojan
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
