Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
