Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
