3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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