The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize