Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
