You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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