Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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