DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
