Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
