p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
