I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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