4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
