So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
