No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
