Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
