I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
