I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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