did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
