I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
