Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
