You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
